Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
