How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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