I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
