i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
