Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
