9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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