My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
