ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
