he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
