if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The Olympian is in my bed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
