Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
