hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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