I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
