i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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