I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
