Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
