He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
