I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
