If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
