Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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