Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina is officially offended.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
