Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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