We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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