You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
