I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
