just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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