i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
