Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
