just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
