I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
