he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
