Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Randomize
