Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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