The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
