You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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