While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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