You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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