I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
