im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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