he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
