If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
