Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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