how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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