I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
