the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can I color on your dick again?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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