Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
