Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there is glitter all over my balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
