We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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