Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love you.
Bad choice
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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