can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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