is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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